Mortal Men Eat Sandwiches The Rest Eat Whiffer's

Lunch Lizardz

January 23, 2013 visit to...

Whiffer’s Sandwiches

Scooter

Whiffer’s Sandwiches, a simple, yet somewhat legendary Sioux Falls lunch destination.  The name says it all.  It’s about Whiffer Randall, the dear woman photographed below, and her tiny café, where she has served satisfying sandwiches and soups for years and years and years.  My S.W.A.G. (scientific wild-ass guess) would be that maybe one in every three people you’d ask in Sioux Falls has been to Whiffer’s.  She works out of a small shack, turned lunch boutique, at the corner of north Minnesota Avenue and west Bailey Street, west side.  Yes, it’s another local eatery located in a sketchy residential neighborhood.  What is it about the Lunch Lizardz and our affection for greasy spoons of “the hood”?  (see Little Coalinga)  It’s cuz THESE are the places where you find the true local culture of a city.  AIN’T gonna find it on 41^st Street! 

Whiffer Randall

As we walked from the convenient off-street parking in the back yard of Whiffer’s, there was a slight north breeze.  My sensitive schnoz picked-up the “whiff” of a Whopper, being char-broiled one block north.  Tempted?  Yes.  But there will ALWAYS be B.K.  Not sure how long we’ll have Whiffer’s. 

Analog is a term I’d use to describe Whiffer’s.  There is absolutely NOTHING digital about it.  You order from a hand-chalked menu board.  You learn the house rules from various hand-written signs.  Two words of advice…BRING CASH.  Ask my fellow Lizardz, J and Jason.  Whiffer DOESN’T take American Express (or any plastic).  You’re welcome, guys.  Thanks for paying me back, J!  Now…Jason.  Where’s my $7.00?  Kidding, bro.  You can treat me the next 2 times. 

      

Murph

Whiffer’s - Not exactly what you’d expect… exactly.   

The sign on the front entrance reads, “Open 11 to 3 (more or less)”  In this age of hyper technology measured and apportioned out in freakish detail, one can’t help but smile at such reckless “inexactness”.  Smacks of dare I say, Humanity!  Whiffer’s harkens back to a time before hand-held computers when the importance of measuring exact time and space really just didn’t matter all that much.  I’d heard about this relaxed phenomenon from travelers abroad but never experienced firsthand, let alone here at home.

Just getting to Whiffer’s was a journey in “inexactness”.  I knew it was up on the north end somewhere.  Sure, I could just punch up my iphone for directions, but what fun would that be?  Instead, I went REALLY Old School with a tactic that rarely works and as such, infuriates the hell out of my wife to no end.  “I can get us within a mile or so.”  I said to the guys as we loaded up, “Close enough?”  EFFF the High Tech!  
   

North Minnesota Avenue...  grand gateway to the city back when 41^st street was made o’ dirt.  As a kid it was understood to get to Sioux Falls you took Russell and turned south on Minnesota.  This is where all the prime real estate was before the migration south, west, and now east.  Quite a shame really when I think back to the excitement of descending the big hill on Minnesota with the downtown skyline rising in front…  a view travelers never see from the Interstate.  The neighborhood is now “less than chique” but holding its own, sorta like Whiffer’s.     

I recently read where Subway is being sued for their 11 inch footlongs.  Someone took a picture with their phone showing their sandwich coming up short next to a tape measure.  The thing went viral and now everyone’s screaming for their extra inch.  Yeah… that’s not gonna happen at Whiffer’s.  The sandwiches are deli-style BIG.  So much so, I went with the half size “Blue Max”, a carnivore’s dream with Roast Beef and Pastrami.  Speaking of, have you had fresh cut Pastrami lately?  Not that processed perfectly pre-cut crap, I’m talkin’ the Cadillac of sandwich meats.  Marbled throughout like finely cut ribeye steak.  So scrumptious it makes me wanna shake the hand and hug the guy who raised it, killed it, and brought it to Whiffer’s.  EFFF the Vegans!    
      

Whiffer’s is above all, comforting.  We didn’t scarf down our sandwiches in some freaky fast-food frenzy.  We relaxed and enjoyed our food in a house on the corner in what could pass for Grandma’s dining room surrounded by Norman Rockwell.  We laughed and talked and were transported back in time for just a moment.  Long enough to forget we were on the clock.             

Dewey

"What’s a Wiffer?"

"Add an 'H'."

"What’s a WifferH?"

"Ha."

"What’s a Whiffer?"

"A Whiffer is a SHE. And Whiffer makes sandwiches for MEN. And women? Phhhhtt."

The décor…oh the décor…it is unmatched. Anywhere. Except maybe your Great Grandma Gunderson’s place in Valley Springs. You haven't been there? Then you don't know Jack. I mean Whiffer. Now head up or down Minnesota Avenue keeping your eyes peeled for a brown house.

1133 North Minnesota Avenue

Sioux Falls, South Dakota

Jason

So…let me explain how this works. You and your chums are discussing where you want to go for lunch like giddy little school girls. The one thing you're sure about, is you want a SANDWICH! 

"Men eat sandwiches!" you shout with righteous indignation. 

It's the purest form of manly food you explain…continuing like a museum tour guide as your pals nod in one accord, "From the earliest days…when men ventured from cave to slay great beast, they ripped a slab of meat straight from the mammoth's hind quarter, slapped it between two pieces of bark and punched each other in the face. 

"AAAAARRRRGGHHH" you all shout, raising your fists to the sky. 

Then, you go get a sub. With chicken. DID CAVE WIFE WEEN THAT BIRD IN THE BACK 40 AND CAREFULLY DEFEATHER IT FOR YOU TOUGH GUY?!

If you're tired of searching. If you're tired of acting like a dude…but not really FEELING like a dude. If you want to sit around a 500,000 volt power line spool and destroy two slabs of bread bale wired around a mammoth mound of meat. You've come to the right place. 

Yes…MEN eat sandwiches. Mortal Men. Everyone else eats at Whiffers.


Thank you to all of those who powered through the latest Lunch Lizardz dining adventure. Now, go meet Whiffer and have yourself the best portion of meat and bread you've ever had.

Sincerely,

The Lunch Lizardz
(Sioux Falls, South Dakota mysterious lunch review crew)

The Artery Clogger at The Attic

Four guys search for daring and bold lunch sustenance a few times a month. The goal is to please and shock their palates while defeating lunchtime monotony. And then share the results with you...flexing their creative muscle. 

In every post, each contributing "author" will briefly share their recent dining experience at a specially-selected local eatery in Sioux Falls or the surrounding area. 

Here is their latest adventure...

Lunch Lizardz
December 17, 2012

Scott

 “We ordered Artery-Cloggers…so NOW we’re bloggers!  Yo yo yo…”

The Lunch Lizardz headed to The Attic today to take-on the Artery-Clogger burger.  The Attic is a real pleasant bar and restaurant, located at the corner of East 41^st Street and Sycamore Avenue in Sioux Falls, a convenient, frequent brew-stop for this Lizard as he’s slithering his way home from work on a Friday night.    

The Artery-Clogger is one of several “dare you to eat me” sandwiches on the menu at The Attic (or as my friend Jason calls it, “The ATTACK”…as in heart attack).  The Artery-Clogger, or A.C. for the squeamish, might eventually harm you if it’s the ONLY thing you consumed, every meal of the day for one year (see the movie “Super-Size Me”).  But like everything else in life, moderation is the key.  The A.C. is what other restaurants might call an “egg burger”.  It’s consists of a half-pound burger, melted American cheese topped with a fried egg and peanut butter for $8.95.  I think egg sandwiches are soooo very smooth, kinda like listening to Lex de Azevedo.  Look him up.  The creamy peanut butter adds to the mellowness of the experience.  It could almost be a breakfast sandwich.  Why hasn’t The King or Mickey D’s thought of this yet? 

Heart-felt kudos to Jenna, the owner, and her fantastic staff, for operating one of my favorite Sioux Falls eateries and drinkeries.  This loyal customer gives you plenty of grief, all in fun.  You playfully return it.                  

Murph

Attic’s Artery Clogger… A Burger Fit For “The King”

Elvis died when I was just a kid.  Tragic?  Yes.  But had he lived, he’d be 77 today and quite dead again.   That is, assuming he somehow survived the drug induced delirium that caused his heart to stop beating at age 42, his famously overindulgent appetite would cause him the same fate years later when faced with the Artery Clogger Burger from The Attic.  The King’s affinity for fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches pales in comparison to the “Hunka-Hunka Burnin’ Love” that is the Artery Clogger.  Half-pound of USDA ground cow goodness topped with cheese, egg, and a generous slathering of peanut butter on a toasted bun.   I KNOW!  But trust me on this, IT WORKS!  Only thing missing is the banana, now there’s an idea!  Let’s all sing together!  Wise Men Say… Only Fools Rush In (to the Attic)  But I Can’t Help… Falling in Love With The Artery Clogger.   Thankya, thankya very much!              

Dewey

How would Kramer from Seinfeld explain this burger to Jerry? It goes something like this.

“Jerry, I’m tellin’ ya. It had an egg on it…but that’s not the best part. Peanut butter too! Peanut butter, Jerry! Peanut butter! These ‘Attic’ folks just blew my mind, Jerry!”

So, that’s my Kramer description. After ordering “The Artery Clogger” at The Attic…the anticipation for this thing was bubbling inside of me. Or maybe that was my bowels trying to prepare for what it was going to endure.

The first bite was exploratory. The flavors melded into a taste that immediately made me start grunting approvingly while nodding my head and looking for a chef to hug. Needless to say...I finished this bad boy off and enjoyed every bite.

Jason

Let me explain something to you…for those of you who walk thru life, without truly living. If I don't do something on a daily basis that makes me jump out of my skin, something is wrong. The dog has died, the kid is sick, the wife has mumps. Some days it's small…I read a line from my 'THE COMPLETE POEMS AND PLAYS OF T.S. ELIOT' (no, I didn't just make that up to impress you. I really have that book. And I really read it. You're impressed, aren't you). Some days, I clog my arteries. Monday, December 17th was that day. In 1903, The Wright Brothers took off. In 1945, Ernie Hudson was born. In 2012, I ate the Artery Clogger at The Attic in Sioux Falls, SD. 

Just like those other legendary events, this one was nothing short of epic. I want you to picture in your minds eye, if you will, this laundry list of ridiculous: A perfectly toasted bottom bun. An expertly grilled, tender round of beef (oft referred to by the layman as a "hamburger"), a savory fried egg cooked just beyond over-medium, a most excellent slice of american cheese, a delicate helping of peanut butter and the top of that perfectly toasted bun. HOLD THE FRIGGIN' PHONE you say. Did I catch a 'fried egg' and 'peanut butter' in the midst of said burger?! YOU JUST SHUT YOUR MOUTH BEFORE JUDGING MISTER! Or better yet…open that cake hole and RUN don't walk straight to The Attic and indulge in this masterful creation of holy matrimony married in part by the Owners and Chefs at this establishment. 

Let me explain something to you. I'm generally not the "crazy food concoction" guy. Don't you dare put fruit or heaven forbid, TACO on my pizza. You can keep your pancake away from my egg mcmuffin. But THIS beast. It's like the great alchemists from long ago that discovered MANLY stuff like fire and Damascus steel somehow imparted their heavenly wisdom upon the kind folk at The Attic and out spat the Artery Clogger. Yes…it's THAT good. A perfect blend of salty and sweet. Love for man but spite for the insufficient inner workings of the Circulatory system. 

You need this my friend. Thank me later.

***And a few more menu items below that Scott wanted to share with you. Thank you, Scott. Very thorough.

Other “dare you to eat me” sandwiches from The Attic’s menu:

QUADRUPLE BYPASS
Not for the weak or faint hearted. Two grilled cheese sandwiches block this ½ lb. burger topped with lettuce, tomato and mayo. $9.95

F-N-H (fill in the blanks)
Smothered with our special "knock-your-socks- off" hot sauce, melted pepper jack cheese and sliced jalapeños. This one is not for grandma and grandpa. $8.95

THE FARMER 'N THE DELI
2 fried eggs, American cheese atop sliced pork and lean roast beef, covered with sweet BBQ...Hi Ho the Deli O'. $9.95

HOT POPEYE
Must be paid today. The Attic's spinach and artichoke dip topped with jalapeños. $9.45

My only complaint about The Attic’s menu is it must have been printed in a 5 font!  It’s nearly impossible for these 50 year-old eyes (blue, in case you were wondering) to interpret.  The wonderful Attic staff, however, keeps a stash of forgotten reading glasses behind the bar for bozos like me who insist on NOT carrying specs with me at all times. 

Thank you to all of those who powered through this inaugural Lunch Lizardz blog post. You deserve an Artery Clogger from The Attic.

Sincerely,

The Lunch Lizardz