The Artery Clogger at The Attic

Four guys search for daring and bold lunch sustenance a few times a month. The goal is to please and shock their palates while defeating lunchtime monotony. And then share the results with you...flexing their creative muscle. 

In every post, each contributing "author" will briefly share their recent dining experience at a specially-selected local eatery in Sioux Falls or the surrounding area. 

Here is their latest adventure...

Lunch Lizardz
December 17, 2012

Scott

 “We ordered Artery-Cloggers…so NOW we’re bloggers!  Yo yo yo…”

The Lunch Lizardz headed to The Attic today to take-on the Artery-Clogger burger.  The Attic is a real pleasant bar and restaurant, located at the corner of East 41^st Street and Sycamore Avenue in Sioux Falls, a convenient, frequent brew-stop for this Lizard as he’s slithering his way home from work on a Friday night.    

The Artery-Clogger is one of several “dare you to eat me” sandwiches on the menu at The Attic (or as my friend Jason calls it, “The ATTACK”…as in heart attack).  The Artery-Clogger, or A.C. for the squeamish, might eventually harm you if it’s the ONLY thing you consumed, every meal of the day for one year (see the movie “Super-Size Me”).  But like everything else in life, moderation is the key.  The A.C. is what other restaurants might call an “egg burger”.  It’s consists of a half-pound burger, melted American cheese topped with a fried egg and peanut butter for $8.95.  I think egg sandwiches are soooo very smooth, kinda like listening to Lex de Azevedo.  Look him up.  The creamy peanut butter adds to the mellowness of the experience.  It could almost be a breakfast sandwich.  Why hasn’t The King or Mickey D’s thought of this yet? 

Heart-felt kudos to Jenna, the owner, and her fantastic staff, for operating one of my favorite Sioux Falls eateries and drinkeries.  This loyal customer gives you plenty of grief, all in fun.  You playfully return it.                  

Murph

Attic’s Artery Clogger… A Burger Fit For “The King”

Elvis died when I was just a kid.  Tragic?  Yes.  But had he lived, he’d be 77 today and quite dead again.   That is, assuming he somehow survived the drug induced delirium that caused his heart to stop beating at age 42, his famously overindulgent appetite would cause him the same fate years later when faced with the Artery Clogger Burger from The Attic.  The King’s affinity for fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches pales in comparison to the “Hunka-Hunka Burnin’ Love” that is the Artery Clogger.  Half-pound of USDA ground cow goodness topped with cheese, egg, and a generous slathering of peanut butter on a toasted bun.   I KNOW!  But trust me on this, IT WORKS!  Only thing missing is the banana, now there’s an idea!  Let’s all sing together!  Wise Men Say… Only Fools Rush In (to the Attic)  But I Can’t Help… Falling in Love With The Artery Clogger.   Thankya, thankya very much!              

Dewey

How would Kramer from Seinfeld explain this burger to Jerry? It goes something like this.

“Jerry, I’m tellin’ ya. It had an egg on it…but that’s not the best part. Peanut butter too! Peanut butter, Jerry! Peanut butter! These ‘Attic’ folks just blew my mind, Jerry!”

So, that’s my Kramer description. After ordering “The Artery Clogger” at The Attic…the anticipation for this thing was bubbling inside of me. Or maybe that was my bowels trying to prepare for what it was going to endure.

The first bite was exploratory. The flavors melded into a taste that immediately made me start grunting approvingly while nodding my head and looking for a chef to hug. Needless to say...I finished this bad boy off and enjoyed every bite.

Jason

Let me explain something to you…for those of you who walk thru life, without truly living. If I don't do something on a daily basis that makes me jump out of my skin, something is wrong. The dog has died, the kid is sick, the wife has mumps. Some days it's small…I read a line from my 'THE COMPLETE POEMS AND PLAYS OF T.S. ELIOT' (no, I didn't just make that up to impress you. I really have that book. And I really read it. You're impressed, aren't you). Some days, I clog my arteries. Monday, December 17th was that day. In 1903, The Wright Brothers took off. In 1945, Ernie Hudson was born. In 2012, I ate the Artery Clogger at The Attic in Sioux Falls, SD. 

Just like those other legendary events, this one was nothing short of epic. I want you to picture in your minds eye, if you will, this laundry list of ridiculous: A perfectly toasted bottom bun. An expertly grilled, tender round of beef (oft referred to by the layman as a "hamburger"), a savory fried egg cooked just beyond over-medium, a most excellent slice of american cheese, a delicate helping of peanut butter and the top of that perfectly toasted bun. HOLD THE FRIGGIN' PHONE you say. Did I catch a 'fried egg' and 'peanut butter' in the midst of said burger?! YOU JUST SHUT YOUR MOUTH BEFORE JUDGING MISTER! Or better yet…open that cake hole and RUN don't walk straight to The Attic and indulge in this masterful creation of holy matrimony married in part by the Owners and Chefs at this establishment. 

Let me explain something to you. I'm generally not the "crazy food concoction" guy. Don't you dare put fruit or heaven forbid, TACO on my pizza. You can keep your pancake away from my egg mcmuffin. But THIS beast. It's like the great alchemists from long ago that discovered MANLY stuff like fire and Damascus steel somehow imparted their heavenly wisdom upon the kind folk at The Attic and out spat the Artery Clogger. Yes…it's THAT good. A perfect blend of salty and sweet. Love for man but spite for the insufficient inner workings of the Circulatory system. 

You need this my friend. Thank me later.

***And a few more menu items below that Scott wanted to share with you. Thank you, Scott. Very thorough.

Other “dare you to eat me” sandwiches from The Attic’s menu:

QUADRUPLE BYPASS
Not for the weak or faint hearted. Two grilled cheese sandwiches block this ½ lb. burger topped with lettuce, tomato and mayo. $9.95

F-N-H (fill in the blanks)
Smothered with our special "knock-your-socks- off" hot sauce, melted pepper jack cheese and sliced jalapeños. This one is not for grandma and grandpa. $8.95

THE FARMER 'N THE DELI
2 fried eggs, American cheese atop sliced pork and lean roast beef, covered with sweet BBQ...Hi Ho the Deli O'. $9.95

HOT POPEYE
Must be paid today. The Attic's spinach and artichoke dip topped with jalapeños. $9.45

My only complaint about The Attic’s menu is it must have been printed in a 5 font!  It’s nearly impossible for these 50 year-old eyes (blue, in case you were wondering) to interpret.  The wonderful Attic staff, however, keeps a stash of forgotten reading glasses behind the bar for bozos like me who insist on NOT carrying specs with me at all times. 

Thank you to all of those who powered through this inaugural Lunch Lizardz blog post. You deserve an Artery Clogger from The Attic.

Sincerely,

The Lunch Lizardz

This is gonna be fun

Test. Test. 
Testing 1-2. 
This is gonna be fun.